I told him , that I has loved a straight man for about 2 years , and I am willing to wait him untill he married .The little borther seemed to unwill to accept this reality , and I have to say yes . He was offline with silence. Unfortunately ，i hurt a barely 17 years old boy ,but he gave me no idea . He needs to figur out that love can't be compelled , maybe let it go or do something cruel is best thing to make someone to forget his wrong feelings . I am sorry , I have to follow my heart and only give my best wishes to him. 

    In this city , I feel kinda like in a dark paradise . Shenzhen is one of toppest city over all the country ,I admit. Everything is so shining and hit people's desire and heart . But when it's dark , I still could breathe the taste of loneliness . Honstly , I got no many friends here , it seems that I couldn't open my heart and mind to get someone coming to my world . A friend indeed is a friend in need . Time will tell that which one could be with you with this long road .

    I never think about that I have stayed in this city for half a year already . Bullshit job , poor salary , it pushs me to a embarrassing side . I only could feed on myself , and leave no money to save in bank . My collegemate said that People always need some time to find out the best and fittest road for himself . Yeah , maybe he's right . Then what's wrong with me ? Everyday sitting in front of the company like a Mummy lost his mind , cliking and hitting the keyboard and mouse . Okatu ? yes , a poor fat okatu is buring his youth and dream .

    What am I ? Where am I ？ What I have done ? How impossible the life is ? Why all the things are becoming so stupid ? When the happiness knocks my door ? I nearly spare no much time to think about these questions , I hate this me and disqualify to hate the fate and life .

    Get lost in a dark paradise ，I really hate to be a walking dead . Lord , I couldn't see your halo , so point out a way for me , and I wish you a fantastic Christmas , your birthday !