How well do you understand your desires?

We are driven by our desires. Whatever we do, there is one or more types of desire manipulating us from behind, whether its food, love, or jealousy. However, how well do you understand the extent or intensity of your desires behind each endeavor?

Obtaining in-depth knowledge of our desires might put us into perspectives and help us make better decisions in the time to come. For instance, how many times have you sworn off cakes or 419s? And how long did it take before you relapsed, again and again? I have personally failed many times over issues like quitting my jobs or not engaging in meaningless relationships. It was frustrating, like a drug addict torn between senses and desires. I believe the key to such problem is not our negelection of desires, but the misjudgement of the intensity of the desires.

Due to professional reasons, I have witnesses many students' wrong assessment of their desires. As a result, many have suffered substaintial setbacks and paid a fair price for their impulsive decisions. Conclusions like this calls for examples. I guess it wouldn't harm to share one from work.

Many students are planning to pursue advanced education aborad. Different from domestic college entrance procedures, students are free to apply to as many universities as their financial situation and schedule allow. This gives rise to one problem: there is a group of students who is so determined to enter renowned institutions that they refuse to apply to one or two less high-profile schools as safety school. According to them, "if I can't get into a top 30 school, I'd rather stay in China."

What a proud statement! Such a strong determination! It's praise-worthy even if all good universities denied their applications. Unfortunately, the truth is, our threshold always turns out much lower in time of desperation. What would you do then? This is a lesson many students learnt after it was too late to salvage. I have personally had such students each year. When they made the decision to shoot for the stars, they didn't have safety schools as backup plans. They believed that even if all good schools turned them down, they wouldn't settle for the safety schools. However, such confidence immediately crumbled when such scenario did happen. When the last school sent their rejection letter, many students suddenly lost all composure and begged for safety schools to accept them. At that moment, they realized all they wanted was to go abroad. Unfortunately, the deadline had already passed, and they had to wait another year to reapply or chose to enter an even worse school.

This is an extreme example of the catastrophic consequences of underestimating the bottom line one's desire. As a matter of fact, each one of us have suffered one way or another for the same reason. Perhaps its your standards for choosing a boy friend, the expecation from work, or the exploitation of your own potentials.

At the end of the day, we are all "drug" addicts. The only difference is that the "drugs" we are tormented by are invisible, but not necessarily less potent than heroin. That's why we shouldn't simply dismiss or embrace desires. Instead, we should treat them as we treat all addictions: try givin yourself a diagnosis. You will be amazed at how much your life can be simplified and improved after properly understanding of your desires.