A friend once let me in on a little secret. While, its not so much a secret as a piece of suggestion regarding friend-making. Basically, one has to adopt strategies in order to screen the vast amount of users on the SNS platform.

You have to give him credit for trying to take advantage of the internet resources since it's our main source to establish meaningful relationships in the gay community. On the other hand, it does signify the extent of efforts we have to exert in order to find friends.

Frankly, I am not very fond of making friends over the internet. Please don't blame me for not being open-minded, for I have my share of experience with internet-dating back in the 2000s ^_^. Although I am not sure what it’s like now, it was brutal out there then. Most of the time, you can barely weather through a get-to-know-each-other conversation without giving out at least your measures or pictures. Of course this statement boarders on being a little biased. I am sure no one would argue with me for claiming that the majority of relationships obtained through online chatting are luring but fragile like the beautiful soap bubbles. Yes, there are sincere ones online. Strangely, most of the examples are passed on from a friend or an online post. Meanwhile, most people are still diligently looking, like a devout believer on the path of pilgrimage.

Most of our dear friends are from high school or college. Most of the sweethearts were formed their as well. If you are extremely lucky, your best friends/classmates happen to be gay. Otherwise, there is no way but to start searching. Personally I have been through some self-organized gay communities, many of which are the primary bedrock to cultivate friendships. Still, there is a faint smell of awkwardness and desperation on every participant. Aside from the truly outgoing ones, many leave the parties feeling lost and disappointed. Sometime, I wonder whether the party/convention-mode is suitable for us. After all, it bears a distinctive western bar/party cultures. I am sure many modern youth and urban citizen have evolved along, however, there are still people like me who are trapped under the traditional meet-someone-by-destiny sentiment. Call me old-fashioned or hallucinated, but I believe all 1980s generation carry a stronger faith in fate and destiny than the younger ones. 琼瑶and 金庸are without a doubt the main influence. That’s why we are ambivalent. On one hand, we want to believe that fate will bring our soul-mate while we randomly walk on the street; on the other hand, we have to deal with the fact that not going online will render us friendless and lovelorn.

You are grinning, right? Because you have been through the same thing. You believe you are a bit romantic and deserve to meet someone in a Roman Holiday style. That’s why you refuse to be reckless on the SNS community every once in a while. Unfortunately, you still have to maintain certain level of activity online in an effort to reconcile with reality. “Perhaps I don’t need prince-charming or a五阿哥. Someone who is willing to stay with me and moderate-looking will do”

Trust me, you are settling! Although most people do and it doesn’t matter that much in the long run, you are settling! How liberating would it be if you can walk to the next handsome guy you meet and say hi without the fear that he is probably straight? This is a dream that will never come true. If only there is a great platform-an actual organization that can put all quiet and shy people together so that they can communicate without the façade of flamboyant words, games, sports, and costumes. It might be a book club, a small gathering without a specific theme, or a room where you are free to come in when you feel tired or lonely.

This is not a post to recruit friends or lovers. I am sure it will be buried deep among the numerous posts on Feizan. But if by fate, you have read this post and feel the same as I do, leave your contact info here. It’s my dearest hope to form a pressure-free group of friends like Friends. We don’t HAVE TO have a reason or engagement to gather. We don’t HAVE TO play badminton or sing or play poker. We can adopt any places to just sit there and share our lives whenever convenient, over a book, a bottle of water, or nothing.

Hey, buddy! Join me.