For years, when someone from Blued or other dating APPs asked me about my profession, I was always struggling between the term "teacher" and "trainer". Somehow, I felt in between: not much of a teacher, but more than a trainer.

This morning, I gave my last lesson to a teenage boy who is currently studying at an international high school on the outskirt of Beijing. School starts next Monday, so he will wrap up his study here for the winter break. When our class was over, I felt a mixture of relief and nostalgia, the same feeling I always get after saying goodbye to a student.

When I first met him, I cursed a bit to myself deep inside. "Errrr, another pain-in-the-ass." An experienced teacher in my profession can always spot a difficult student. Some people read clothes and shoes, teachers read body languages and expressions. It is a gift. 

He is a typical teenager going through a rebellious age, not liking study but somehow getting caught in it because he or his parents want him to study abroad. When I said hello, he gave out a muffled sound, a polite enough way to address me for a guy in his state. Thus began our month-long writing class.

As our curriculum progressed, my efforts to make him smile and respond to me gradually paid off. He started giving me scanty feedbacks on our topics and even talking to me about the anecdotes at school. By the time our class was over, I was happier that he was chatting with me than whether he has learnt something, a somewhat irresponsible attitude for a teacher, some might say. But only those who have been in my shoes understand what I am talking about.

There were times when I thought I should be strict, pushing my students to write as often as possible. But there were also times when I believed that giving students a wonderful learning experience is more important than other factors, like what I have been feeling lately. If a chef is cursed with the struggle of whether to cater to customers or be loyal to themselves; if a laywer is conflicted between making money and upholding his person belief;...then, as a teacher, I have been trying to figure our how to combine what I want to teach with how to make my students happy, which is why I rarely thought of myself as an actual "teacher", because I am not a beacon or spiritual guidance for students. Nor do I spend days or months teaching them each and single language point, which is why I felt so relieved when the word "coaching" came to my rescue.

A teacher illuminates; a trainer disciplines; but a coach pilots. To put it simply, a teacher helps you find who you are. A trainer makes sure you follow certain steps. But a coach guides you and helps you exploit your strength. In a way, a coach's work is far more skilled than teachers, because it usually has a time-limit. Teachers can spend years walking students through all the textbooks, providing counseling when needed. But a coach has to stand on a higher position, identy each student's problem, enlighten them, and points them to the right path. That's what I do, demanding yet fulfilling at the same time.

In the tennis world, a good coach can spot a talent, shape her, mold her, and turn her into a a super star, like Li Na's coach Carlos and Serena's coach whose name I cannot remember. At school, we have counselors; in life, we have parents, coworkers and friends. Unfortunately, most of them speak from their own experiences, which probably explains why some people who need a therapist, a guru, or a religion to understand what's going on our career or love life. So we are our own coaches when it comes to romantic relationship or professional pursuit. In China, we have a saying, "prolonged illness makes a patient a doctor." I guess we can only count on experience to make us wiser, avoid detours, and find what we are looking for.