Since our first meeting, for the next 2 months, both of us changed slowly and unpredictably. I used to be a really impulsive and pushy man ( probably it’s due to my profession as an educator). With you, however, our personalities resembled the hot burning fire colliding with the freezing cold ice. You have always been the quieter thinker compared with me ( though both of us are Geminis), and stayed low key under most circumstances. I, on the other hand, craved for being recognized, fully respected, and a shiny star. This is probably why we fail to match – we kept reflecting each other’s flaws and sins; The more we saw each other, the more unbearable traits showed up. Even worse, we never apologized to and reconciled with each other due to our stupid high sense of individual pride. We were both king of our own realm of perfectionism- the arena where no mistake should ever be made, and no personality flaw ever being exposed.

Looking back, V, you have been teaching me a lesson, a lesson I would never learn well – don’t fully expose one’s vulnerability and wounds to others. I trusted you and gave everything from the beginning to the end, but even today, I still barely know the real you, the authentic you under your Soft and coal dark hair, ocean deep and chestnut colored eyes, healthy tanned skin, pianist-styled long and elegant fingers, and what has attracted me the most – your sweet and innocent smile.

Who are you? A divine angel or a shameless demon?  An innocent child or a shrewd, big user?

Who are you?! 

Dear V, you once said, “ I am your hope, and your light.” For this, I did everything I could trying to play the “ intact” and “ cool” guy that I was never qualified to play in the first place. When you were working 24/7 in your seemingly tedious, and despaired job, I was there for you; when you needed guidance for your future, I was there for you; most importantly, When you got exhausted, bored, insecure, sacred, detached from the whole world, I was there for you while suffering from a hopeless, and cruel disease on my own.

I loved you, and to this day, I have never regretted for what I did for you.

When you cried next to my ear, my heart would soften from a stubborn and indifferent stone into a field of daffodils with birds singing and blue butterflies spreading their wings to dance.

But when I cry for you, I would find a hidden and dark shelter, and shed my tears shamefully and silently. “ Boys don’t cry!” Don’t you remember this is how every one would expect of me and every man in this world? Boys don’t cry.

I have never complained once in front of you about my troubles, my pain, and you have never asked.

During the short-lived friendship ( You were officially my boyfriend for less than one hour), we experienced everything that sweet lovers would do. As book lovers and food riskers, we went to a few well-known bookshops, cafes, and all sorts of exotic street food stalls and restaurants. Thank you for letting me give Jason Maraz a chance- his music is actually quite catchy and listening-friendly with a bit of folk and jazzy taste.

What is gone is goneJ

A few days after we fell apart, and I cut you off, you went to the holy land of the world – Tibet. I traced your steps and moves, feel happy for your transformation. You smiled like a child at the base of The Mont Everest! The moment I saw your smile, I knew you could live joyfully and satisfied on you own. 

You found your hope and light! It has always been there inside of you! 

I can finally move on, and say farewell.

Since you came back from The base of the Mont Everest, I have still been anonymously viewing your WeChat posts and Instagram photos, but time will cruelly and peacefully erase all our memories of each other. We have both chosen to elegantly move on with no shame, no tears and no resentments. 

We simply vanished from each other’s life as if we have never entered. J

 This is the best ending, and I wish you all well.  

I will find my own way, and live an awesome Jay styled life without you by my side.

完结